


The Beginning of Forever

by leightaylor



Series: The Gray Archives [2]
Category: The Shadowhunter Chronicles
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Sad, You're Going To Cry Probably, this one is really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 18:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5508470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leightaylor/pseuds/leightaylor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shortly after the death of her husband, Will, Tessa asks herself if leaving the Herondale family behind her forever is the right thing to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Beginning of Forever

_June 1937, Idris_

Tessa Gray-Herondale was in Idris for what was to be her last time. It was high summer, she was sweating heavily. The sleeves of her white dress were loose around her arms, tight at her wrists. She was kneeling in the grass, counting the bright green blades one by one. She did not cry, not since four nights ago when her husband’s spirit left this world and entered the next. Her children had insisted she accompany them to Idris, despite the Nephilim not being entirely welcoming of her attending a ceremony meant for Shadowhunters only. She was still a Shadowhunter by blood.

And so she wore the suffocating white dress to Will’s funeral, to show the Clave that she had the right to mourn her husband with them. When they took his burning, silk covered body to the Silent City, Tessa wanted to weep again, but she couldn’t bring herself to. She saw that her children had followed their fellow Shadowhunters to the Silent City, and she stayed behind.

She should’ve gone with them. Should’ve been there for Jem and Will and her family. But this was already going to be the hardest thing she’d ever done. And she had once transformed into an angel.

Tessa looked up and saw the sea of white-clad Nephilim climbing a hill in the far distance. And Tessa stood. And she gathered the hem of her dress. And she ran.

The hills and forest blurred past her. Her flat shoes thudded on the ground. There were small animals, rabbits and the like, speeding away as she approached. She felt her legs burning, begging for her to stop. The noon heat beat down on her, made her feel like she was suffocating. The grass soon turned to dirt and Tessa knew she still had a long way to run. She had to push herself to keep going. She had to get to the Idrisian border.

Will’s funeral wasn’t too far from the Glass City, no further than a mile. Tessa’s hands slipped from her dress due to the sweat. She tripped over the hem and fell face down onto the dirt path she was on. Coughing up the dirt that had flown into her face, Tessa turned to check behind her. She saw no one, heard no footsteps, no voices. She doubted anyone had even noticed that she was gone.

Tessa got back up, brought her hem up once again, and continued running. She couldn’t be too far now. Her face was hot, her eyes tearing from the wind blowing into them. Her breath was coming in quick short bursts and her chest was constricting.

There. Her horse was just where she left it. It was the only one there, its dark coat stark against the silver city behind it. Tessa skidded to a stop and climbed atop it, checking behind herself once again for pursuers.

For an indefinite moment, she caught her breath as she asked herself if she was being a coward, if leaving her family was the right thing to do. But her grandchildren were nearly her own physical age now, and if she were to stay and meet their children, and their children’s children, when would she ever be free from the heartbreak and pain that came from watching everyone she loved die? Tessa stifled a sob, peered in the direction of her children, her grandchildren, and William. “I love you,” she whispered. And with that, she charged her horse toward the edge of Idris. She had a warlock to meet.

It would seem logical that immortal beings would have more patience, due to quite literally having all the time in the world. Magnus Bane was not one of those people. He stood at the German side of the border between Germany and Idris. He was glamoured, any mundane passersby would see a small cat, oddly standing between Germany and France. Magnus looked at his pocket watch again. It was thirty minutes past two in the afternoon. Tessa was late.

He began pacing, wondering what could be taking her so long. Maybe she had changed her mind. It seemed rash to Magnus that she was ready to leave the Herondales behind just four days after Will had died. Magnus himself wasn’t allowed to attend the funeral. He was currently having problems with the Shadowhunter Clave.

Magnus checked the time again. Thirty two minutes past two. He was getting more anxious. He should leave. Tessa was not coming. She had convinced herself to stay with her family, at least to see them through this tragedy. Magnus was an only child, never married, and most of his friends were immortal like him. There was nothing worse than grieving the dead, Magnus had learned. So he’d decided centuries ago that warlocks and vampires were the only companions he’d ever need. Unfortunately, he was not very good at keeping that promise to himself.

Magnus was reaching for his watch for the hundredth time when he heard a loud, rapid thudding. He looked up and across the border where the sound was coming from. In the distance, he could see a young woman astride a horse, wearing in a white dress, her dark hair blowing behind her.

The girl was in the dress, not the horse.

She was approaching fast, Magnus hadn’t seen her in years and she hadn’t aged a day. Just like him. He wanted to smile, finally reunited with an old friend. But given the circumstances, this was not a smiling occasion.

She reached him and lightning fast, dismounted her horse and ran into Magnus’s arms. He held her as she shook and cried, refusing to loosen his grip. He did not know how long they stood there, long enough for her horse to get tired and fold itself onto the ground.

She pulled back and Magnus got his first good look at her. His gaze met her tear-filled one. Her hair was plastered to her face and he reached to move it so her could see her better.

“Hello, Tessa,” he said.

Magnus had a flat in Berlin, Tessa soon came to find. They’d driven back to it not long after she’d met him. It was a wide, open space, filled with dark blue and black furniture, a high rise ceiling, and clothes of varying colors and fabrics and styles strewn about all over the place.

The sun was beginning to set, casting an orange hue over the flat. It was breezy from an open window. Tessa sighed, letting out some of the tension she’d been feeling all afternoon.

“Make yourself at home,” Magnus said, sprawling out on a love seat. Tessa took a seat on a couch across the living room from him. She and Magnus eyed each other for a long minute.

Tessa finally broke the silence. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen one of your homes this empty.”

Magnus scowled. “I’m not in a very festive mood.”

Tessa looked down. “I’m sorry. I know how much he meant to you.”

Magnus crossed his legs. “You say that as if he were my husband.”

Tessa wanted to smile but she couldn’t. She stood and walked to the open window in a back corner of the flat. The sun was directly in her face, and she had to squint to look outside. The sky was turning pink. There were cars and people along the roads. Roofs went on for as far as her eye could see.

“Sometimes I envy them - the mundanes. And I envy my past ignorance. I wish I could go back.”

“To how things were before?” Magnus was suddenly just beside her, looking out at the bustling city with her. “You were living a lie, Tessa.”

She sighed. “I know. But it was easy.”

“Life isn’t meant to be easy,” Magnus said quietly.

“I see your wiseness has returned.”

“It never left. It was simply on vacation.”

The corner of Tessa’s mouth threatened to lift into a smile, but she spoke to avoid that. “I don’t know what I’m doing here with you. I just knew I had to leave.” She crossed her arms and moved away from the window. There was a small kitchen area that hopefully had some tea in it. “You probably don’t want a grieving widow tagging along on your adventures.”

She heard Magnus’s footsteps behind her. “You’re a warlock and a friend, Theresa. You will always be welcome anywhere I am.”

Tessa moved her gaze to his, coming into contact with those startling golden eyes once more. Will was gone, she only saw Jem once a year, but Magnus, he was the one constant person in her life, one of the few who understood the immortal burden she had to bear. He reached out for her hand and gave it a squeeze. The back of her throat began to tingle, her eyes beginning to feel hot. The next thing she knew, Magnus had pulled her into a hug and she was crying again. She wept for Will, taken from her so soon. She wept for her children and their children and all the children from the Gray-Herondale line in decades and centuries to come. She wept for Jem, the man she was to marry before he had been taken from her and Will. And she wept for herself, cursed to roam the world forever, cursed to never fully belong to the Nephilim or to the Warlocks. And she wept because it was all she could do.

She didn’t know how long she stood embraced by Magnus. Each sob felt like her insides were being ripped apart. Her head pounded, her nose was runny, each tear made her face hotter than before.

Magnus guided her back to the living room and sat her on the couch she’d been on earlier. He gave her a handkerchief and she wiped at her tears with it. Tessa took a steadying breath and tried to be more calm. “Magnus… I abandoned them. Their father just died and I left them.”

Magnus was kneeling on the floor in front of her. “It was just today. You can still go ba-”

“No! I can’t go back there. I just can’t. If I do,” Tessa looked back out at the night sky, wringing the handkerchief in her hands. “If I do, I’m afraid I won’t be able to bring myself to leave again.”

“Tessa…”

“It was nearly two years ago when I decided that I was going to cut them out altogether. Just leave and never speak to them or return home. Just a quick, clean break.”

“Are you sure that’s what’s best?”

“No. But I can’t change my mind. This is how it has to be.”

Magnus turned to sit down with his back against the couch next to Tessa’s legs. They didn't speak again.

It was at least an hour later, the sun completely gone. Magnus had changed into blue silk trousers and a matching shirt. He was barefoot, his hair wet from a quick wash.

Tessa was exactly where Magnus had left her, sitting on the couch, her legs folded up under her. She was twirling a piece of her hair idly. Not because of her physical age, she looked like the same woman Magnus had met in London all those years ago. Lost. Unsure. She reminded him a lot of himself during the first century of his life.

He knew that she looked to him for guidance, for help in how to live life as an immortal supernatural creature, but the truth was, he had no answers. He just took everything a moment at a time, living each day as a new adventure. Tessa had such a loving heart and had experienced so much heartache and betrayal in just one lifetime. It was astonishing to Magnus that she could still find room to love even more people, to still care so much for them. Magnus had closed his heart off long ago. He had acquaintances, even a few friends, but he would never love in the same capacity as Tessa loved. And that was why he never knew exactly what to say to Tessa. He had no experience being a Shadowhunter-Warlock hybrid who loved as often as breathed.

“You’ve been staring at me for a minute straight,” Tessa whispered.

“You need clothing,” Magnus said.

Tessa looked up at him through her lashes and her lip quivered as if hiding a smile. “Of course your thoughts are on fashion.”

Magnus chuckled. “We can go shopping tomorrow,” he said.

Tessa sighed. “You’re not spending any money on me Magnus.”

Magnus went to the kitchen to make a new kettle of tea. “Tessa,” he began, “you’ve just left your family. Forever. I think you have enough on your plate without worrying about money. Plus, you quite literally have an eternity to make it up to me.” The tea started to heat as he moved to the living area to speak directly to her. “I take cash and expensive jewelry.”

“Sapphires would bring out your eyes,” Tessa retorted.

Magnus tilted his head in false seriousness. “I’ve always thought rubies looked best on me.”

“Well I guess we will have to test this out.”

“I guess we will.”

There was an uncomfortable silence broken by the kettle whistling. Tessa jumped in her seat, her hand flying to steady her heart. “Oh my! That was fast.” Tessa exclaimed.

Magnus pointed at himself with a smirk. “Warlock.”

**Author's Note:**

> Like if u cri everytim. But really, I'm sorry if I made you cry, I think this will be the saddest part of the series so future chapters will be much less heartbreaking. On the bright side, this is where the real adventures begin so don't think this is just going to be a long series of you sobbing all the time! Comment your thoughts and opinions, I love getting feedback :)


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